Oklahoma Ag in the Classroom Ag Humor Swine / Bovine / Potatoes / Poultry Send contributions to the Ag Humor page to Pat Thompson. Swine What stories do pigs tell their children? PIG tales How do pigs keep from getting a suntan? Put on OINKment. Where does a pig go to get a new tail? To a retail store. What kind of cards do pigs send on February 14? ValenSWINE's What kind of book is about a famous pig? A biHOGrahy What would you call a beauty contest for pigs? The Miss HAMerica contest What is the pig's favorite play? HAMlet Why did the pig get a traffic ticket? He didn't see the No PORKing sign. What do you call a karate move meade by a pig? A pork chop. What do you call a pig who is carried across a river in a small boat? A rowed hog. What happened when the pig climbed an evergreen tree? He became a PORKupine. Why did the bank robbers refuse to take a pig into their gang? They were afraid he might SQUEAL. (top) Bovine What's another name for a cowhand? Hamburger Helper What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull? a STEAK out What do you call a sleeping steer? a BULL dozer Where do steers go to dance? To the MEAT ball Black and Gus   All I need to know from life, I learned from a cow. Wake up in a happy mooo-d. Don't cry over spilled milk. When chewing your cud, remember - there is no fat, no calories, no cholesterol - and no taste! The grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all it's worth! It's better to be seen and not herd. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives. Never take any bull from anybody. Always let them know who's bossy! Stepping on cow pies brings good luck. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day. Contributed by Charles Cox, Oklahoma 4-H Youth Development (top) Potatoes TATER PEOPLE Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "SPECK TATERS." Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "COMMENT TATERS." Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "DICK TATERS." Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "AGIE TATERS." There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called "HEZZIE TATERS." Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "EMMA TATERS." Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "SWEET TATERS." Contributed by Karla Knoepfli, Oklahoma 4-H Youth Development (top) Poultry A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise." "Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck."